


New Beginnings

by deanlovescastielkisses



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 19:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1238362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanlovescastielkisses/pseuds/deanlovescastielkisses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My interpretation of what happened during the mysterious night from season 9 episode 6.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing so I hope you all enjoy it!

"You can't stay." The three words Cas never thought he would hear Dean say to him. He thought that everything was great with Sam and Dean after their reunion. He was excited to have a home and even more excited to be with the brothers again. But with Ezekiel threatening Dean if Castiel stays, he has no choice but to tell the angel to leave. He would never do anything to jeopardize his little brother's life, no matter how difficult the situation may be. And God knows that this was difficult decision for him. 

When Dean said those heartbreaking words, Cas sat there silently, searching his friend’s face for answers because he thought that Dean wanted him to be there. But with Dean being as good as he is at stuffing down his feelings and showing no emotion over the subject, the former angel sat there with no answers. He has no choice but to leave the bunker and his two best friends in the whole world.

That night, Dean was quieter than normal. His usual sitting in front of the tv watching countless re-runs of Dr. Sexy has been replaced with him retreating to his bedroom and locking the door behind him. Sam makes the connection that he’s upset because Cas had to leave but doesn’t bother with asking about the details because he knows that Dean wouldn’t want to talk about it. _“Fuck off, Sam. The guy can take care of himself.”_

A hot shower and a few beers later, his feelings self-loathing and sadness turn into anger and self-hatred. He is mad at himself for letting it get this bad with Ezekiel. He’s pissed off at the fact that Zeke doesn’t trust Cas. Does Zeke know something the he doesn’t? Has Cas gone dark-side again? No. No, because Cas wouldn’t do that to him again. Cas has done more than enough to redeem himself in Dean’s eyes and he knows that he doesn't deserve to be thrown out on his ass like that after everything he's done for him and his brother. Dean turns the music up to drown out his muffled sobs and eventually passes out for the night.

 

Cas closes the door of the bunker behind him and lets out a frustrated sigh. He’s not sure why his friend would just throw him out in the cold with no explanation whatsoever. He begins to wonder if he did something to either Sam or Dean that broke their trust with him. Again. He seems to have no choice but to obey because he knows that fighting Dean about it would make everything worse. Crushed and confused, he throws his backpack over his shoulder and heads south towards the nearest town to search for a place to sleep for the night. 

He eventually settles in a small town with a few other homeless; Owen, Jack, and Steve. Each with their own unique story about how they ended up in the same figurative boat as himself. The struggles these men faced broke Castiel’s heart and he never imagined that humans can struggle and suffer in this way. 

Sitting around a trash-can fire on one cool night, they exchanged stories about their lives; their successes and their failures. Steve's story touched Cas the most. His story consists of the usual American-dream stuff; a loving wife, 4 kids, a dog, a white picket fence, the works. All it took was one night for him to lose it all. See, Steve was working for some big corporation that was only concerned with how much money they made, and he got himself into trouble when he made a mistake with a client and lost a significant amount of money. Because of a few bad decisions, he eventually lost everything he owned and his wife resented him for it. Steve couldn’t get back on his feet no matter how hard he tried. His wife eventually gave up on him and told him that he needed to leave and that she wasn’t wasting any more time on him. All he ever tried to do was the right thing and it never seemed to be enough. His wife betrayed him and he hasn’t been able to understand why; she was supposed to be there for him. For better or for worse.

Cas found a way to relate to Steve. No, Cas wasn’t married. No, Cas didn’t work for a big corporation. But Cas was betrayed. By his brothers, his sisters, and worst of all, he was betrayed by Dean. They all threw Castiel out to rot with nothing. All he ever wanted to do was the right thing. He believed he was always doing the right thing. And just when he thought he found a home and everything was going to get better, he was betrayed again, this time, by his best friend. The one person he thought he could trust with everything.

Cas quickly learns from Steve that he has the ability to go out and find a job. There’s nothing holding him back from that. Eventually, Cas finds himself working at a gas station in Idaho as a sales associate. The proudest sales associate that ever existed, to be exact. He loves his job and all the responsibilities that come with it. Unfortunately, minimum wage doesn't help him with finding a home right away, so he hides his sleeping bag in the break room behind the lockers. In one of the lockers he stores a toothbrush, tooth paste, deodorant, a razor, shaving cream, shampoo, and other toiletries. The amount of work that goes into maintaining a human body astounds him. 

 

One day, Cas hears rumors about a few mysterious murders in his town. He instantly thinks of Dean and decides to call him, hoping he could hear his voice again. Thankfully, Dean picks up. He sounds so happy to hear Cas' voice again. After he gets the information from Cas, he hangs up the phone, grabs his coat and keys, and bolts out the door without saying much to his brother.

Dean pulls up to the gas station where Cas works. God knows how Dean found it, but there he was, standing and serving a customer an order of nachos piled so high that the lid won't even close on them. Dean sees this as the perfect opportunity to go in and surprise Cas. 

"Hey, Cas." the hunter says with a smile. 

"Dean. What are you doing here?"

"Well, jeez, it's nice to see you too Cas." He was a little offended at the fact that Cas didn't say his trademark 'Hello, Dean'.

"Uhh. It's Steve now." He says as he points proudly to his name tag. 

"How did you come up with that?” Dean scoffs. 

"He was a great man, Dean. I met him the night you asked me to leave the bunker." He sighs and looks at the floor. "He told me his story and about his struggles and he's the one who inspired me to find a job."

"Well what happened to him?"

"We had just settled into an alley where other homeless have gathered. We began to exchange some supplies we had found for some food. One of the men we traded with was upset with the quality of the merchandise we gave him." He begins organizing the candy bars to distract himself. "He was stabbed. There was nothing I could do to save him. My grace is gone, Dean, and I couldn't do anything. I just sat there next to him as he died."

His heart broke for his friend. “Oh man. I’m sorry Cas.”

“I trusted him with everything and I lost him.” He looks up at Dean, “And he never betrayed me. Never left me because we were looking out for each other. Life on the streets can be unforgiving and you need someone to be there for you. And he was. When no one else wanted to be.”

Those words stung and Dean knew exactly what Cas was implying. He looked at the ground and felt his heart break. To change the subject, he throws a candy wrapper on the ground and kicks it playfully. "You missed a spot." He says with a wink. 

He grabs the wrapper and stuffs it in Dean's jacket pocket with a scoff. 

 

Dean studies Cas as he talks about the mysterious deaths in the area. He sees how proud Cas is of himself at what he’s been able to accomplish in such a short time. He can't help but smile at the fact that nuking people's taquitos (and nachos) for a living isn't something that he should be all that proud of. But he is. So proud. Having the responsibility of stocking shelves and cleaning is a good thing for Cas.

When Cas gets done with work, they hop into the Impala and drive to the location of the most recent murder. The familiarity of the front seat of the Impala makes Cas feel at home again. Like this is where he belongs. But, reality sets in and he knows that once all this is over, he has to go back to his sleeping bag on the floor of the break room. 

After investigating the case some more, Cas recognizes the pattern in which these victims are dying. Nervously, he explains to Dean that these deaths are at the work of an angel. They realize that they have no leads on where to find this mysterious angel so they decide to wait it out until they can figure out how to kill the bastard.

 

That night, Cas was somehow tricked into babysitting his boss' infant daughter, Tanya. Dean drops him off and leaves as Cas scurries up the stairs. 

Cas has never been in the presence of an infant human before but he could never tell Nora the truth regarding his past, so he obliges her instructions anyways; hoping that the infant wouldn't cause too much trouble. Nora kisses him on the cheek with a quick thanks and heads out the door. And as fate would have it, Tanya begins crying and he’s startled by this new, unpleasant noise. Thankfully, his instincts quickly kick in and all of a sudden he finds himself holding the baby, rocking her back and forth in his arms and hopes to console the crying human. 

He tries to think of something that soothes him whenever he's upset. His mind goes straight to all those late nights in crappy hotel rooms with Dean. Nothing good is on tv and Dean frustratedly throws the remote against the bed. "I hate late night tv. Nothing good is ever on. Except for porn. But you gotta pay for that and..." he continues mumbling to himself as he walked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Cas decided to grab the remote himself and flips to a random channel. Upon hearing the theme music to the 80s tv show, Great American Hero, Dean bolted out of the bathroom and smiles ear to ear. "Oh man I love this show!" he said as he sang to the music. "Believe it or not I'm walking on air! I never thought I could be so free-ee-ee!" Dean, surprisingly, has a really great singing voice and Cas found himself upset when the music ended.

Remembering those moments with Dean, he smiles. "Look at what's happened to me..." the angel begins singing the theme. His deep, gravelly voice doesn’t allow him much range in his singing, but Tanya instantly begins cooing at the soothing sound of his voice. "...Flying away on a wing and a prayer. Who could it be? Believe it or not, it's just me." he finished. Tanya has now ceased crying but she begins crying again along with some wailing as soon as he tries to lay her back down in her crib. 

He makes a sound of displeasure as he picks her up and as he turns around, there he is, Ephriam. The angel bent on ending all suffering in the world. A worried expression falls on Cas’ face when he makes the connection to the crying baby in his arms and the reason why Ephriam is here. Cas begs his brother to not take Tanya but Ephriam chuckles and says that he isn’t there for Tanya, no, he’s there for Castiel. He says that he was able to hear his screams of agony and suffering screaming at him from miles away. Ephriam is under the impression that he's going to do Cas a favor by ending his life, thus ending his suffering. If Ephriam had found him a couple weeks ago, Cas would have gladly let Ephriam end his life. He didn’t have anything to live for anymore. Cas comes to the realization that, for the first time in a long time, he wants to live. 

Cas places Tanya back in her crib and takes defensive steps towards Ephriam but he quickly grabs Castiel by the wrist and twists it as he pushes him down towards the floor. A sharp pain shoots through his whole arm as he falls to the ground and lets out a yell. 

 

Luckily, Dean figured out that Cas was in danger long before Cas even knew it himself. He hopped in the Impala and drove as fast as he can to get back to Nora's house. As he pulls in and turns off the car, he hears Cas screaming of pain from inside the house. He jumped out and ran into the house as quickly as he can. 

And with a loud bang, the front door was kicked in. Dean charges in and tries to stab Ephriam. But with a quick move of his arm, he has Dean thrown against the nearest wall. Ephriam then focuses his attention back on the former angel. He gets so wrapped up in his monologue on why he's going to kill Cas, that Dean was able to slide the angel blade over to him. And with a quick thrust into his stomach, Ephraim was dead. 

Dean crawls over to Cas and helps him stand up. Dean tells him that he will take care of the body as long as Cas cleans up the mess in the house. 

 

Dean slams the trunk of the Impala closed and walks back into the house. 

He stands in the doorway to the living room as he watches Cas lay down a sleeping Tanya in her crib. He kisses her forehead and whispers something in Enochian which he believes to be some kind of prayer of protection over her.

Dean desperately wants to hug his friend and doesn't quite know what to do with himself. Does Cas want to? Is he mad at me? Thankfully, his thoughts were silenced as Cas lunged towards him and wrapped his arms around him; hugging him for dear life. It's as if he can't hold on to him tight enough and he keeps a firm hold of his hunter. Dean finally relaxes and hugs him back with the same desperation that Cas was showing. They stood there for what seemed like years when the moment was interrupted by the sound of Nora clearing her throat.

They quickly let go of each other and stared at Nora. The awkwardness was interrupted by Dean introducing himself. Nora was clearly not interested in meeting this strange man that was in her house, so Dean excused himself and decided to wait for Cas outside. 

“Steve? Is everything okay?”

“Yes. Sorry about my friend being here. He was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by and say hello.”

Nora dismisses his comment by walking over to Tanya’s crib and smiles and she sees her sleeping peacefully. “How did you get her to sleep?”

He blushes, “I sang to her. She seems to like it.” 

“Well, thanks Steve. I really appreciate you doing this for me. See you tomorrow morning.”

“Goodnight, Nora.” With a sigh of relief Cas closes the front door and turns and sees Dean smiling at him while standing by the driver's side door. Cas walks to the passenger door and stands there, waiting for Dean to say anything alone the lines of _“Let’s go home, Cas.”_. 

But instead he gets a cheerful, "Where to, Cas?"

Cas looks at the ground, ashamed, and silently climbs into the Impala. Confused, Dean gets in the car too. 

_Shit. He doesn’t even have a home to go to. ___

Dean quietly nods to himself and starts the Impala and drives to the first place he thinks of. 

 

It's a little cliff that overlooks the county and from it, on a clear night, you could see billions and billions of stars.

Dean remembers this place because he and Sam came here one night when they were younger while their dad was tracking a nest of vampires in the area. "Don't go anywhere. Protect your brother." were the only words their father said to them that night, so, being the rebellious child he was, he took his little brother for a walk and they eventually found this cliff. After spending 20 minutes throwing rocks off the cliff and talking about the stars, they decided to just sit in the tall grass and look up at those stars. 

Dean smiles at the memory and turns to look at Cas. "I found this spot when Sammy and I were younger. It's pretty awesome." he says so proudly. 

"It is beautiful." are the only words Cas says before he opens the door of the Impala and walks towards the front of the car. He is absolutely transfixed by the darkness that seems to go on forever when he looks out from the cliff. There are a few lights scattered here and there, but otherwise, it was complete darkness. 

Cas plops down on the hood of the Impala with a loud thud. 

"What the hell?" Dean thinks to himself. A normal person would not get away with an action that harsh towards his car. But he quickly shrugs off the anger that seeps inside when he realizes that this is everything that he could possibly want. Him and his angel. No case. No interrupting Sammy. No demons or angels trying to hurt them. Nothing.

Dean walks to the front of the car and sits on the hood next to Cas. It was a chilly night and Cas didn't have a sweater on and begins shivering. Dean counts his lucky stars when he remembers that he has a blanket in the backseat of the Impala. He goes and grabs it and places it on Cas’ shoulders and begins rubbing soothing strokes on his back. 

"Thank you, Dean."

Cas' shivering stops and Dean walks back to the car to check his phone in case Sam tried to contact him. No missed calls. No texts. No interruptions. Awesome.

He walks back and sits next to Cas again. This time a little bit closer than normal because he was getting a little cold too.

He turns and looks at Cas. "Hey....Cas....umm." He stutters. He wasn’t sure how long he had been staring at Cas, but the moment those bright blue eyes met his, he was snapped back into reality and began blushing. "Can you let me have some of that blanket? I'm kinda cold too."

"Sure, Dean." He grabs some of the blanket with his left arm and drapes it over Dean’s back.

And there they were. Sitting there so awkwardly and fidgeting, like a couple of teenagers who don't know what they should do with themselves. Clearly, Dean wanted to make a move but he didn't know what Cas was thinking or feeling at the moment. They haven't said a word to each other for about 20 minutes and Cas is hard to read sometimes. 

Cas sat there. All he could think about was Dean. All that he wanted to say. How much he missed him. How much he wanted to stay with him forever. But he just didn't know how to say all that he wanted until...

"Dean..." Cas involuntarily started. Shocked at himself. He wasn't even aware that he was going to try and talk. 

He thought of a good place to start, "...I don't have a home." he began. "I've been sleeping in the break room at the gas station." he pauses to look at Dean. "Can I spend the night with you tonight?"

And in that moment, Dean wanted to jump up and down to the Hallelujah chorus, but he kept his composure. 

"Yeah!" he cleared his throat to contain the excitement. "Uhh, yeah. We can crash in the Impala. You can take the back seat and I'll sleep in the front. No big deal." _But it actually is a big deal._

"Thank you, Dean." the sincerity is Castiel's voice melted his heart.

They climbed into the Impala, Cas in the backseat and Dean in the front seat. He returns the blanket to Dean and insists that he uses it for the night since that is the only one in the car. Dean smiles as a wonderful idea pops in his head.

"Umm, well.." he begins. "...you know we can share it right?" 

"That's absurd, Dean. How would that be possible? You're in the front seat and I'm in the backseat." Dean laughs because Cas hasn’t even changed a bit. He still doesn’t understand basic implications and subtle hints. 

"Well, I could climb in the backseat with you and we can, umm, both use it. If that’s okay with you though."

"Oh...yeah. I guess you're right." Cas chuckles. His heart begins racing as Dean climbs over the bench seat and he plops down next to Cas. He quickly kicks his boots off and throws them in the front seat and Cas does the same. 

They are both sitting upright in the back seat with the blanket spread on their laps and Dean's heart begins racing. He has the sudden urge to grab Cas' face and smash it into his own, but resists. He wants to wait until the time is just right. He wants to bring his angel home first. He wants there to be no more secrets with he and Sammy. He wants everything to be perfect. He scoffs at the inner chick-flick moment he’s having.

 

After an hour or so of talking about Dean’s most recent hunts and Cas’ adventures as a sales associate, is when it happened. It seems like Cas swooped in from out of nowhere and pushed Dean down on the seat as he climbed on his lap facing him breathing heavily. Cas had a look of pure determination in his eyes that showed that he wanted Dean. Right here. Right now.

He leans down and kisses Dean. Softly at first. As if he was testing the waters to make sure that Dean approved. 

And Dean did approve. The bulge in his pants straining against his zipper confirmed it. The soft kisses slowly grew to passionate and deep. Cas can feel Dean’s erection against his own and he instinctively palms at it and squeezes with just the right amount of pressure to make Dean buck his hips into Cas with a deep grunt. “Oh, Cas. Please..don’t..ahh..” Dean is writhing under Cas and he can't believe that Cas even knows how to do this kind of stuff. 

"Ca-Cas.." he grunts. He is fighting every cell in his body to stop right now. "Please. W-We can't do this right now." 

Cas pulls away from Dean and tilts his head to the side, confused and then a wave of embarrassment sets in and climbs off of Dean's lap, avoiding eye contact. "I'm so sorry, Dean. I just...couldn't control myself." Cas looks like a small puppy that has been kicked repeatedly and struggles to look at Dean.

He quickly realizes how Cas is portraying the situation and instantly sets both of his hands on the sides of his jaw, turning his head towards his, and kisses him softly. "No, baby. Trust me. I want this more than you could imagine. Okay?" he kisses his forehead and looks into those gorgeous blue eyes of his. Dean gets lost in them for a few seconds or so until he says "I want you more than you could imagine. Just not like this okay?" Dean can't believe himself. He sounds like a friggin' chick whose trying to put off losing her virginity.

"I want you to come home first. Where you belong. I'm sorry for everything that has happened to you. I'm sorry for making you leave the bunker." Dean has to stop himself before his self-worth plummets even further down than it already has. A tear runs down Cas’ cheek and he leans in to kiss Dean. His hunter. His best friend.

They pulled apart with their foreheads pressed against each other. Both smiling like complete idiots at their new-found appreciation for the other.

“Let’s go to sleep, Cas. We’ll figure it all out in the morning.”

Dean grabbed the blanket and put it over Cas' shoulders. He grabbed his jacket and bunched it up to use it as a pillow and leaned it against the door. Dean leaned back against it. "Come here." he said quietly. "Use me as a pillow." Dean slid his legs up on the bench and Cas fell into the length of Dean's torso and rested his head on his chest and wrapped his arm around Dean's middle. Their breathing synced together instantly. Dean rested his arm against the length of Cas' back and settled his hand on Cas' hip. His thumb moved back and forth over the blanket. 

"Dean?" he tilted his head up to look into those piercing green eyes. 

"Yeah, Cas?"

"When can I go back home with you?" 

Dean struggles to find an answer without having to lie. "I don't know yet. But I promise you Cas, I am going to find out soon, okay?" Dean squeezes Cas tightly to assure him that he's serious about it. 

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you, again."

Dean looks down at Cas and he can't believe what he sees; a dark head of hair and deep-blue eyes that he wants to drown in, looking up at him with such fondness and care. His only response is to pull Cas up to his face and kiss his face all over. Cas smirks and ends it with a strong and passionate kiss. 

Cas settles back into Dean's body. Fitting even better than he did before. 

"Hey, Cas?"

"Hm?"

“I, umm. Oh man." He laughs and tilts his head back. What the hell is happening to him? He has never felt anything like this before. All he wanted was Cas. Nothing else seemed to matter in that moment. “I think I’m falling in love with you. And it’s scaring me. A lot. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It's kinda crazy actually." he says with a smirk.

Cas squeezes Dean’s torso tightly and lets out a contented sigh. "I love you too, Dean. A lot." Cas hasn't ever felt this happy in his whole life. He feels hopeful for what the future will bring. A future with Dean is all he could ever want. 

Happy and in love. Dean thought he could never have this. He believes that this is something that he doesn't deserve. But Cas is determined to prove him wrong. And there he is. Laying in the backseat of his beloved car holding on to his beloved angel. Content and happy for the first time in a long time, Dean rubs Cas’ back until they are both asleep. He sleeps and dreams about a new life with Cas.


End file.
